300 days of beauty, days 52-64 [kaleidoscope]

I know, I know, I disappeared. I've been known to do that from time to time. May vortex, time spent in hospitals, general life exhaustion, and I can even blame it on the rain (which has fallen in exorbitantly copious amounts...I don't know if I can use all of those words together, but anyway...).

So this evening as I prepare to travel once again, I am determined to display a fraction of the last several weeks. All from my phone (couldn't find the cord to download from my camera...sigh), all from my ordinary life. A kaleidoscope.

And as a side note, the half-marathon I had been training for has been downgraded to a 10k. I know that sounds much like hurricane terminology, but the prospect of running a half-marathon was starting to feel much like a category 5 storm. The training was worth it, but this was not the season. I would like to try again, but for this weekend, I will enjoy running a 10k with my brother, spending a weekend in Chicago, and seeing a much-beloved cousin.



Alright, now for the parade of randomness...

My son is training for a 10k and asked to go on a run with a stop at the store. Not his usual request, but I agreed. He ran to the store just to buy me a honeycrisp apple because it was National Teacher Appreciation Day. He came back, panting and sweaty and placed this on the table next to me. I nearly cried I was so very touched.

We studied geography by taste-testing single source chocolate from different countries around the world. We savored it and will continue this study over the next couple weeks. LOVE.

I never tire of these gorgeous blossoms. They survived far longer than I thought they would.

We read on the front porch ALL DAY. The weather has been cruddy, so we relished this day.

A GORGEOUS tranquil evening and a date with my husband. We walked and talked for miles through our city, along our trails.

I was sick, so so sick. My sweet friend dropped these supplies off for me. I'm rich in friends, no doubt.

Back to the front porch and sweet Belle looking through her picture Bible. She loves Moses and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.

We hadn't had the best day, this daughter and I, but in the evening, this is what I found written on her mug of tea. We don't have to be perfect, we can't be. We can give love and grace and mercy to one another even in the messy times.

Love my girl's window art, especially against the rain splattered backdrop and the newly unfurled spring leaves.

Again, the front porch...I sip coffee, eat breakfast, and read out there most every morning (weather permitting).

The zoo is always fun. Belle was on a mission to sketch flamingos on this zoo trip.

And tonight...my husband was helping with all sorts or "to-do" items. I'm exhausted after being gone most of the week and spending much time at the hospital and in a car. I'm chugging through one item after another and he writes this for me. A cup of warm tea and truth. What can be better for my very weary heart that desperately needs rest?

300 days of beauty, day 9

Having had a rough night of sleep (or lack thereof), I slept in this particular morning. I walked downstairs to these three happily and congenially building a massive train-track system for our Thomas trains. Cute. So very cute. 

These were favorite toys for all of them, but especially D. I was touched that he wasn't too old for this play with his sisters. It was his idea and with a smile on my face, I told them they could play as long as they wanted. Their hearts and relationship with each other held a higher value than my agenda. I don't regret this "lost" morning of school one bit.

the definition of a beautiful day (and some school pics too...)

I have been avoiding writing. Even when I most felt the need to put my swirling thoughts to paper, I couldn't seem to muster up the mental fortitude to do it. But I needed to today, just a bit. To fight my mental and physical fatigue and jot my thoughts.

Today, I'm tired. School has been going really well these last couple of weeks. I like the flow and rhythm that I have set so far. But today was one of those days in which I couldn't quite speak with the patience required and deserved to my children. I felt myself talking and lecturing in circles, trying to instruct, trying to explain, trying to understand, but feeling like I need a course in "Navigating Your Child's Emotions 101." 

Even though today is quite "blah," I wouldn't consider it the norm. We have sparkling days, glimmering with smiles, laughter, goofiness, discussions, tea and crumpets, experiments, sidewalk chalk artistry, new feats, devoured literature, perseverance and a love of learning. Oh, and lots of character development...not just the kids, for me too. Sparkling still has its challenges and struggles or its nothing but a glittery veneer with Styrofoam underneath.

we did not kill the butterfly, FYI...

How my "today" looks is not my favorite look. I prefer the days where I put lots of check marks by school subjects, the house gets picked up, the kids don't argue (much), and I have motivation to move steadily through my whole day, in a perfect homemaker sort of way. I never have days that look perfectly like this, but I have days that feel in line with this and I like them. But every day brings its own look, its own battles, its own beauty, its own mess. And, His mercies are new every morning..." Praise the Lord.

So, here are my snapshots, my reminders of the beauty found in each day:

On this day where my window view shows gray skies with light breezy gusts rustling the trees outside, I'm thankful for the cooler temperatures. Fall is coming and it's my favorite.

D has spent the whole day helping an elderly neighbor with his yard. He loves doing it. He didn't expect to miss this day doing school, but because we homeschool, he can do this. And in my opinion, his work today is just as valuable if not more valuable than a day with his textbooks.

I have two sweet girls who graciously forgave me for my harsh words to them. It is hard to fail in front of my kids. It is good to fail in front of my kids (and ask forgiveness) because failing is a part of life, sinning is what we do. They need to know that I'm human, I need Jesus too. They have to learn to walk in this world. Confessing their sin to God and people, sharing their burdens, will be a protection for their souls. I want them to resist the facade of perfectionism and the Gospel-denying platform of shame. If how I deal with my failings and struggles points them to engage with God in everything, I will be well-pleased.

seriously, Arctic mermaids...

We're enjoying our last week of the pool. In spite of the gray skies, Cece and Belle will make the daily trek. They are die-hard and I love their happy pool smiles. I never tire of seeing their goggle-clad faces underwater. They literally smile and always wave at me when we're all underwater together. I can't quite find the right word to describe Belle's facial expression. Her eyes are bright, joyful, vibrant, wide-eyed, enthusiastic. I love it. Every image, I try and capture in my mind's eye. I meant to buy an underwater camera this year but didn't.

We've been working on some Spanish as a family and Belle has taken quite a liking to it. Unfortunately, the only phrase she can remember right now is ¡siéntate! which means "sit down!" She hears this phrase quite a bit, so it has stuck. The other night my husband and I took an evening walk and the girls scootered. All through the neighborhood, Belle was continually exclaiming, ¡siéntate! ¡siéntate! ¡siéntate! Usually she screams, "This is AWWWESOOOME!" So, I think this was her substitute. Hilarious.

What else? A neighbor randomly offered to bring us dinner tonight. What a gift. The girls and D are working together to make forts in the girls' room, but they have taken a break to happily watch some new episodes of Wild Kratts first. I love how much time they have to spend together. We'll walk to a farmer's market this evening (weather permitting!) and hopefully get in a couple chapters of Tuesdays at the Castle. Simple, lovely.

I'm learning to receive and give grace for the ebb and flow of each day. I don't have to be perfect. I can't be. It doesn't have to be my definition of a beautiful day to be truly beautiful.

a snapshot...just a real day

Today I slept until almost 9. Call me a sloth. The girls were tired and didn't wake. My son woke early as usual, but quietly went about his business building gadgets and gizmos, probably a time machine or some other creation of mechanical genius.

I padded downstairs and started to wrap my brain around my day while the kids made breakfast and Belle turned on PBS in Spanish. The living room was cluttered with school papers and new curriculum from the fair I attended last weekend. I hadn't bothered to clean the kitchen the night before, opting for cups of ginger peach coconut rooibus tea while I binge-watched JAG epidodes. My husband was at church band practice with my son and I couldn't quite muster up the motivation that I wanted. Maybe I didn't really want it...not sure. Anyway, the morning starts anew no matter my house state.

I didn't quite feel I had the energy to made a French press of coffee, but I also needed  my coffee, yes I did, don't judge. I think I need the ritual of preparing and sipping coffee as much as the dark brew itself. Grinding the beans, boiling water, steaming milk, plunking in sugar cubes, drizzling syrup, dusting cocoa powder. It slows my already overwhelmed and anxious mind. Sip, breathe, collect, repeat.

D headed to his room to plug away on his school. Cece headed upstairs to listen to her audio textbooks and work on her assignments. Belle continued to watch PBS and eat her breakfast, snuggling with her blanket, adorned in her Elsa nightgown which she rarely takes off. I took a shower and then headed back down to make my coffee. Let the ritual commence, and the day.

The morning disappeared, lunch came and went, school progressed, but not as much as anticipated. My choice--let's go see a movie. It's my birthday week, I wanted to see a movie, so we went. I loved Cinderella as much as I hoped--courage, kindness, forgiveness, so many themes and topics and truths bounced around my brain.

I had my girls on either side of me. Cece sits quietly, takes it in, smiles and comments sparingly. Belle interacts with the movie in loud whispers and mild sound affects while snacking constantly. During the end credits she decides to do ballet along the railing and then do leaps through the seats. She moves to the music no matter her location.

Several times, Cece leaned over, looked at me and asked, "Are you crying?" Of course I was, she knows. It was a rhetorical question. I always cry and it seems to be getting worse.

Midway through, Belle snuggles up to my arm, resting her head on my shoulder, still commenting occasionally and laughing a little too loud. When it comes time [spoiler alert] for the Prince to place the slipper on Ella's foot she declares, "I know what's gonna happen!" in her loud whisper, but still she has the trace of doubt, would it really turn out how it was supposed to? She starts rooting for the slipper, "Come on! Fit...fit! Fit!" in her continual loud whisper followed by statements of "I think I'm going to cry!" Real tears leak from her animated chocolate brown eyes.

D liked it too, but may have been more entertained (or annoyed) by his mom and two sisters. I heard him laughing, he can't fool me.

So, this snapshot day ended with taco salad, driving Cece to ballet and working out for me. My husband cleaned the kitchen while I was out, the piles of papers still sit and once the kids are settled, I'm looking forward to talking with my hubby...and maybe watching an episode of JAG while sipping hot tea.

Not a perfect day, but a good one, mostly. I'll take it with a heaping sweet spoonful of thankfulness and grace.

(Why random sunflower pictures? Because I love them. These were my birthday flowers from last year. Perfect.)

a mug, a piece of chalk, and a word

my girl happily building a snowman in the front yard

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, or so the trite saying goes. I'm rarely without a mug in hand or nearby, filled with a choice hot beverage. I may be more attached to having a mug in hand than my phone nearby. I'm not really joking. I have this chalkboard mug, an impulse buy from World Market or as my son calls it "World Trap." A tempting place for those who are drawn to the aesthetically beautiful and the new and interesting and unique, but I digress. I write a word or phrase or verse when I pull this one out of the cupboard. In the last many months, Cece has been steadily increasing her tea and chai habit. I can only blame/congratulate myself. My husband shakes his head in consternation and has not quite recovered from the shock of our two-year-old (also Cece) asking to go to Starbucks, but not knowing the name McDonalds.

Over Christmas while clearing dishes, I saw my chalkboard mug amidst the latest tea party/art project table clutter. It made me smile, it warmed my heart. I so often only see my failings, the bad that I'm passing on, the sin that they see daily. I cannot decide what they take and what they leave from their childhood as they grow up. I cannot control everything. I cannot control them. More than anything, I can entrust them to the Lord, trust His hand in their lives, trust that He can use everything. I can trust that He sees and knows the heart of a sweet 9-year-old, who grabbed a piece of chalk, imitated her mama and felt compelled to write one word that we can all use more of...JOY.