Monday, August 8, 2016

on the value of re-reading for the refreshment of your soul...



"No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally--and often far more worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond."  C.S. Lewis


If C.S. Lewis said it, it must be true. One hardly need convince me that good [fiction] literature feeds the soul and the best books are worth reading again and again. I never leave home without a book at my fingertips or a book recommendation on my tongue.


Over the years I have found what I call ‘soul books’--kindred spirits that I read yearly, seasonally, and simply when I need a comfort read. Not all books reach this status, but I have quite a few on my list. Books by Robin Jones Gunn, Francine Rivers, Lisa Wingate and Louisa May Alcott to name a few. What I’ve seen over many years of reading and re-reading is backed up by Louisa May Alcott: "Some books are so familiar that reading them is like being home again."


When I pick up one of these books to read again, I often times expect a sentimental road trip or a brainless read. But instead, I “always find a new book” as C.S. Lewis put it. My life experiences have changed. I am older, a different phase of life, and these books speak to me in a completely different way than when I was a teenager, a college student, young single, young married, young mom, and the life phases parade on.


For example, take Harry Potter. Not to douse Harry Potter fandom but I hated the fifth book. I felt agitated during the entire book and at the end I was simple ticked off. [Vague spoilers coming in droves]


Harry was nothing short of angsty, brooding and irritating. I wanted to shake him and say, “Get it together, man!”


A key (and favorite) character is murdered. I wanted to give J.K. Rowling a piece of my mind, “Lay off the death, and lay off Harry! I’m trying to enjoy reading this book!”


I re-read the series again about 10 years later with my son. In ten years much had changed for me. I had three kids. I had lost my dad and several other family members in tragic and unexpected circumstances. I had walked through a situation of stinging betrayal unlike I had ever experienced.


I read through the fifth book of Harry Potter and I cried...often. The characters are in terrifying and uncertain times. Many have died, friendships have been betrayed. And I understand Harry. Losing so much breeds a certain amount of anger and fear that cannot be dismissed with trite words or even personal desire. Instead of shaking him, I think “I get you, Harry. I get you.”


Even the character who dies in the end affected my heart in a different way. A bit angry, yes, but mostly a sad resignation. I get it, this extreme loss— unfair, senseless, confusing, part of life.


New to me was my connection to Molly Weasley, the spunky and endearing mom in the book series. Molly Weasley had always been so strong and fearless and determined. In this book, the characters are living in a time of great danger and extreme stress. Although, Molly Weasley is walking with courage and hope, she is not immune to the mounting effects of fear and stress. There is a scene where she is battling a boggart [harmless creatures who take the form of what you most fear]. This boggart becomes, in succession, the corpses of her husband, her children, and Harry, whom she loves as a son. She can’t fight it. Harry finds her sobbing and dispatches the creature. I was sobbing by the end of the scene. I have battled that fear. I have felt completely paralyzed. Watching her I empathize, but also evaluate how I react to my fears and how I deal with stress.


"In great literature, I become a thousand different men but still remain myself." C.S. Lewis


And what would a blog post on re-reading popular and classic pieces of literature be without mention of Jane Austen? Not much of anything to be sure. Pride and Prejudice had always topped my list, followed closely by Sense and Sensibility and Persuasion. Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey came next and Emma sat at the bottom. Emma was my most disliked heroine. Flawed. Irritating. Arrogant. Manipulative. "I judge you, Emma. I judge you."


Life has a way of humbling your soul. In a good way. When I read Emma now, I relate to her. Her flaws breed hope in my heart. Her failings and weakness allow me to examine my own. Her triumphs and ultimate heart change bring tears to my eyes (not totally surprising, I cry a lot…). Her transformation is painful to watch or read, but the reality is that change is painful especially in our own hearts. The hope comes from seeing that transformation is possible. There is nothing encouraging in perfection. As Jane Austen states in a letter to her niece,"Pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked."  

Reading gives me the opportunity to view my life as Ebenezer Scrooge does in A Christmas Carol. A clearer lens, an outside perspective. Re-reading books gives me that same experience, but more so, because I can see how my life has changed. I can trace my change in heart and perspective. I can see where I have erred and where I have triumphed. As C.S. Lewis said, “Literature irrigates the deserts that our lives have become.”


Our lives need fresh water. Which book will you re-read first?

Sunday, August 7, 2016

my love-hate relationship with summer (plus 300 days of beauty, days 65-82)

summer garden beauty

I confess, I sometimes feel that I hate summer. I also confess that I wrote most of this over one month ago and then disappeared down the rabbit hole that summer schedules tend to be. I've never like Alice In Wonderland.



Each year I walk through the same diagnostic state, evaluating why summer is so very challenging. Several reasons: the randomness of summer activities and options, constant people (I do like people, but need time alone too...), and kids who suddenly see unlimited potential in every moment, every day.



I can be random and spontaneous, but my brain cannot keep track of the amount of outings and appointments that are so far above our normal level. I would consider myself a social introvert—I love people, but need “hermit days” to rest and recharge, which summer does not oblige. And my adorable, wonderful kids, whom I love to death, ask me 50,000 questions before 10 in the morning and have a hard time accepting that fun cannot be 24/7. Real life still exists. I wish Mary Poppins were a real person, but she is not. The house does not clean itself.



I began the summer ridiculously overwhelmed. Burned out from the year, transitioning to summer—like being on a pot-holed highway and hitting a rocky, washed out dirt road. Now (in a flash) I have arrived in August. And I would say that we have lived in a happy-exhausted-flurried-blur of summer scenes. Family, friends, neighbors, food, laughter, pool days, books, gardens, parks, rivers, walks, hikes, bike rides, iced coffees and ice cream cones.



We've had good days, hard days and the messy beautiful sprinkled and scattered throughout. I have not settled down to write in this space, but have been capturing beauty in each day through my camera lens and my phone (Instagram is wonderful, but may have killed my blog...). I also have decided to declare the first three week of June “no man's land”; not belonging to spring or summer, a time to plan, rest, and see what we want our summer to be. I realize not everyone has this flexibility. I can choose my summer because we homeschool, others cannot. However, I think a space with no pressure or expectations, even if just for a week is a sweet gift for a weary heart and frenetic pace of life.



In spite of the layout of my schedule, I've grabbed my moments. Time to be still. Time to savor. Time to breathe. Summer and I have come to a generally peaceful truce. We still have adventures ahead as we plow through August. I'm thankful (and still tired). And I may or may not have been dreaming of winter yesterday...



Here's snapshots of our summer beauty:

swim team, swim meets, and pool days
laughter--meaning she had the grocery store laughing. She has found unique ways to hitch rides in the grocery store since birth. I think I may have finally given up fighting it.
summer sunsets--I know, right? Breath-taking.
My kitchen has looked like this...often. Filters make it look almost artistic. There is a beauty in letting go. This is where we were for awhile and it's okay.

breakfast parfaits and morning devotionals...I do like lazy summer mornings...
river vistas and time with family...the Missouri River...
Costco date with my girl who LOVES hotdogs!
mini-bagels and cream cheese--I kid you not that we have mostly survived on these...devouring bags upon bags and tubs of cream cheese (cooking is at a minimum in the summer)
lots of reading...we read wherever we go... #ohtheplacesweread
visits to my hometown to be with family
when "pop and pizza" place settings look artistic--more than that, this evening was spent with my brother and parents with conversation and laughter (and lots of pizza!)
when my daughter uses the steam from my coffee to warm her hands in the morning...still makes me smile... "It's SOOO toasty warm!"
lots of tree-climbing--all of my kids use the trees to have a quiet space for their hearts...
paddle-boating--laughter and LOTS of geese (geese not shown...;-))
when Jack and Jill went up a hill...cousin time



water balloon baseball...no need for the catcher, D hit nearly EVERY ONE...

I love windmills.