my love-hate relationship with summer (plus 300 days of beauty, days 65-82)

summer garden beauty

I confess, I sometimes feel that I hate summer. I also confess that I wrote most of this over one month ago and then disappeared down the rabbit hole that summer schedules tend to be. I've never like Alice In Wonderland.

Each year I walk through the same diagnostic state, evaluating why summer is so very challenging. Several reasons: the randomness of summer activities and options, constant people (I do like people, but need time alone too...), and kids who suddenly see unlimited potential in every moment, every day.

I can be random and spontaneous, but my brain cannot keep track of the amount of outings and appointments that are so far above our normal level. I would consider myself a social introvert—I love people, but need “hermit days” to rest and recharge, which summer does not oblige. And my adorable, wonderful kids, whom I love to death, ask me 50,000 questions before 10 in the morning and have a hard time accepting that fun cannot be 24/7. Real life still exists. I wish Mary Poppins were a real person, but she is not. The house does not clean itself.

I began the summer ridiculously overwhelmed. Burned out from the year, transitioning to summer—like being on a pot-holed highway and hitting a rocky, washed out dirt road. Now (in a flash) I have arrived in August. And I would say that we have lived in a happy-exhausted-flurried-blur of summer scenes. Family, friends, neighbors, food, laughter, pool days, books, gardens, parks, rivers, walks, hikes, bike rides, iced coffees and ice cream cones.

We've had good days, hard days and the messy beautiful sprinkled and scattered throughout. I have not settled down to write in this space, but have been capturing beauty in each day through my camera lens and my phone (Instagram is wonderful, but may have killed my blog...). I also have decided to declare the first three week of June “no man's land”; not belonging to spring or summer, a time to plan, rest, and see what we want our summer to be. I realize not everyone has this flexibility. I can choose my summer because we homeschool, others cannot. However, I think a space with no pressure or expectations, even if just for a week is a sweet gift for a weary heart and frenetic pace of life.

In spite of the layout of my schedule, I've grabbed my moments. Time to be still. Time to savor. Time to breathe. Summer and I have come to a generally peaceful truce. We still have adventures ahead as we plow through August. I'm thankful (and still tired). And I may or may not have been dreaming of winter yesterday...

Here's snapshots of our summer beauty:

swim team, swim meets, and pool days

laughter--meaning she had the grocery store laughing. She has found unique ways to hitch rides in the grocery store since birth. I think I may have finally given up fighting it.

summer sunsets--I know, right? Breath-taking.

My kitchen has looked like this...often. Filters make it look almost artistic. There is a beauty in letting go. This is where we were for awhile and it's okay.

breakfast parfaits and morning devotionals...I do like lazy summer mornings...

river vistas and time with family...the Missouri River...

Costco date with my girl who LOVES hotdogs!

mini-bagels and cream cheese--I kid you not that we have mostly survived on these...devouring bags upon bags and tubs of cream cheese (cooking is at a minimum in the summer)

lots of reading...we read wherever we go... #ohtheplacesweread

visits to my hometown to be with family

when "pop and pizza" place settings look artistic--more than that, this evening was spent with my brother and parents with conversation and laughter (and lots of pizza!)

when my daughter uses the steam from my coffee to warm her hands in the morning...still makes me smile... "It's SOOO toasty warm!"

lots of tree-climbing--all of my kids use the trees to have a quiet space for their hearts...

paddle-boating--laughter and LOTS of geese (geese not shown...;-))

when Jack and Jill went up a hill...cousin time

water balloon baseball...no need for the catcher, D hit nearly EVERY ONE...

I love windmills.

300 days of beauty, day 35 [snuggles]

I love this girl. SO. MUCH. She is happy, vibrant, energetic, joyful, curious, and incorrigible. She went from having a cough, to completely tanking. She said no to chicken, broccoli, and a bubble bath (three favorites!) and asked to go to bed with tears streaming down her face.

My husband snapped the pic--worth capturing.

We put on her pajamas and I asked if she'd like to cuddle for a few minutes. She told me she didn't want to get her germs all over my bed. I suggested the couch and she said she'd like that. Her daddy brought her a "vitamin drink" and we had a brand new Frozen themed Kleenex box just for her. (Usually she steals the toilet paper roll from the bathroom to use as Kleenex, so this is a bit preemptive....)

Belle is the best snuggler of all of the kids. If she wakes up first in the morning, she will crawl in our bed and rest between us. I have many memories of seeing her bright-eyed and bushy-tailed chocolate brown eyes inches away from my face saying "Can I snuggle with you?"

Yes. Every time. Yes.

We snuggled and she fell asleep almost immediately. How many more times will I hold one of my snuggling sick kids in my arms? Moments to cherish. Devastatingly beautiful moments.

Belle stirred awake and said, "Maybe it's time for me to go to bed now." Her daddy carried her to her room and tucked her in. I heard, "I love you too, mommy" as I closed the door.

My house is a mess, the kitchen stacked with dinner's dishes, projects and to-do lists abound, my daughter is sick, schedules will be rearranged, the day went just okay, but I feel happy. Not perfect or together, but happy. 

Snuggles will do that.

300 days of beauty, day 5

I never tire of my kids' performances. When I was young, I loved to create plays and dances and skits and backyard swing-set and pool acrobatics. I have fond memories doing these with my brother and my cousin, Debi. When Debi and I would create our routines, my brother would become the "lighting and sound specialist" although I don't know that we used that term. I find it funny that my son has often performed with his sisters, but as of late, he's quite happy being the sound and light guy too.

Very soon, much sooner than I am ready, these unabashed, vibrant performances will cease. Bittersweet. Nothing lasts forever, that's just the reality. More joy and wonder on the way, the goodness is not only in these years, it continues, but looks different.

But, if your sweet child invites you to a performance, make the time. You're not too busy. These moments are so fleeting. I may have watched reenacted musical renditions of "Hard-Knock Life" from the new Annie more times than I can count, but I love it every time.

wonder and awe, dolphins and dandelions

"He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed."

~Albert Einstein

D standing on the flight deck of the USS Yorktown, looking out over Charleston Harbor

My children have gifted me many countless gifts, the non-material kind. One of the greatest is allowing me to experience "wonder and awe." They get so excited about the world around them. Every insect, every flower, construction sites, beautiful buildings, springtime birds, fluffy snowflakes and fuzzy cattails. If they see dolphins in a harbor, pet a stingray, or are surrounded by sea turtles, the reaction is exponentially greater.

Dolphins! D saw them first from the USS Yorktown.

Cooper River Bridge, Charleston...we never tired of the view or the bridge crossings. Beautiful.

They speak in exclamation marks. I will so miss it when they don't, at least not quite the same way.

 

I savor the beauty around me, this is not usually a struggle for me. But with my kids, life is more magnified, like the prisms Pollyanna hung in windows to create rainbows that sparkled on every surface.

And I will miss dandelions. Belle has spotted the first dandelions this week. My counters and kitchen table are decorated with vase upon vase of these yellow beauties. I'm constantly hearing exclamations of "Dandelions! Dandelions!" as she sprints to collect each and every one.

Some day dandelions will be a weed, but now they are a spring jewel. I will miss the dandelion bouquets, but I will enjoy each offering in this season.