paralyzed...wills and will nots this December (plus our fave movies!)

Several days ago I sat on my bed and I felt...paralyzed. I looked at the copious amount of clothes on the floor, clean and dirty. I thought of my kitchen that was not what one would call clean. I inwardly panicked at the school that I felt I needed to do and wasn't doing with the kids. And my mind ran on...gifts, baking, cards, calls, texts, email, blogs, invitations. I battled myself on how much I could possibly do in each of these categories. I want to do so much, but I crave simple. I feel guilty when my own expectations fall at the feet of reality and exhaustion.

So, I've been thinking about what I will do and will not do as December days roll through.

I will buy most of my Christmas treats at Trader Joe's. I don't necessarily enjoy baking, but it always feels like it's some sort of holiday rite of passage. If the fancy strikes me, then I will, but no Pinterest binge ambitions for me. Today D and Cece are baking granola and Belle and I are making porcupine meatballs (they are not made of porcupine meat...I had to clarify to my girl...).

I will try to keep the house "neutral." I can't keep up with Christmas and my normal home, so I will give myself grace. I may not entertain like I would like, but that can wait until January. December doesn't have to be the social pinnacle of the season.

I am not writing Christmas cards or taking Christmas pictures. Just too much. We left most of our ornaments in boxes this year. I LOVE my ornaments, but again, to simplify, this will go. We are de-junking before January but stopping when it feels overwhelming. 

We are reading lots of picture books and I am mostly just re-reading books I love. We are playing games. This afternoon I read Belle Mortimer's Christmas Manger by Karma Wilson. We love this sweet story. Then she requested Candy Land and although I inwardly cringed I took the ten minutes to play a game with my sweet girl. In my defense, I have played games of Candy Land that have taken near an hour and nearly cost me my sanity.

We're going to watch a lot of Christmas movies. We love them. We have our favorites (see list at bottom) and we find new ones we like. We snack, we snuggle, and we work on fun projects or gifts while we watch. What's on tonight you ask? WHITE CHRISTMAS. Best movie ever and the kids have joined in with me in requesting it.

We want to laugh more. This afternoon, we had a frowning Belle walk into our bedroom, shoulders slumped:

"Mommy, I made a mistake." (a resigned sigh)
"What did you do?"
"I broked this candy cane from the tree."
"How did it break?
"Well...I was scratching Barzi's back (our dog), and then it just broked in half!"

[insert me glancing at my husband, trying to not crack a smile, but dying inside]

No punishment necessary because she did come and confess and didn't just nab the candy cane and cover it up. She was hoping to eat the broken candy cane, but we declined her request.

So, anyway, I personally am going to try to let more things roll off. Laugh. Snicker. Giggle.

We want to take the time to chat with neighbors, talk on the phone to those we love, meet for coffee, be kind to the frazzled holiday workers and shoppers and savor the time with each other in our home. Knowing we cannot connect with everyone we would like to, but trusting the connections that are set in front of us.

I suppose my overall feeling is that I'm not going to do December perfectly and it won't be stress free. We will take each day and moment and trust God in how it plays out. There will be things dropped and left undone, but I hope that it will yield a peace that we did what God called us to, in the big and little moments of this Christmas season.

p.s. I've loved the devotional Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are by Shauna Niequist. I've especially appreciated her December entries. Exactly what my heart had been feeling and needed to hear.

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Christmas movies!

My favorites: White Christmas, Sound of Music (played on TV every Christmas growing up), and While You Were Sleeping
 
My husband: It's A Wonderful Life (not much of a movie watcher, but I made him choose. And I quote: "That's the only Christmas movie I like except Mistletoe Delight, you know, the one about the girl who..."[and he continues with his exaggerated description]. He gets a little snarky sometimes...but we laugh. And for the record I have never made him watch any movie with this title. Close, but not exactly.

D (age 12): The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe; Mrs. Miracle; Call Me Mrs. Miracle

Cece (age 10): Dear Santa, A Princess for Christmas, Samantha: An American Girl Holiday

Belle (age 7): Frozen, Rise of the Guardians, and Arthur Christmas

summer mish-mash

I know, you haven't heard from me in awhile. I have lots of excuses. Included in those excuses would be the words "crazy" and "freight train." A friend of ours was giving announcements at church and while welcoming everyone said something to the effect of, "Remember when all of those summer things looked like a great idea a month ago? And now it's more like, 'what were we thinking?!'" Yeah. I get that.

starting the morning right...coffee in fresh mountain air tastes better than about anything...

While I'm at it, why do house projects seem like a good idea in the summer? Some people like the process of projects. I don't. I like planning them and I like when they are finished. The rest is Purgatory and I have lines from this book running through my head.

Also, this week we said goodbye to dear friends and sent them with our love and prayers to Tokyo. It was rough. My so very sweet son wanted to cheer me up so he took me to a movie and said he would pay for the movie and whatever snacks I wanted. LOVE HIM. We saw Inside Out. SO good. I was pretty much crying the whole time (I may be a little on edge). I'm not talking silent, peaceful cry. I'm talking silent, super ugly cry. The kind that almost hurts to keep in and the kind where you're glad you are in the very back of the movie theater sitting in the dark. Cece said, "I knew you were crying." Anyway, a great family flick. My husband loved it too. He was cracking up and there is nothing I love so much as to hear him laugh.

What else? We swim, we walk, we read, we don't cook, lots of normal stuff and the days fly. Can it be near August already? We have frolicked in our mountains, kayaked, fished, hiked, ATVed. We took an impromptu detour to the Sand Dunes--spontaneity feeds the soul sometimes. This summer has walked briskly when I've wanted to stroll. We've hit hard and good, stressful and joyful. We'll take it all from the hand of God.

Am I in Africa? Not going to lie, I wished for a camel on several occasions.

Last week, I bought this book simply because it was pretty. Don't judge. I may have a new addiction to Penguin Threads. A copy in hand is even prettier than this picture can portray.

I was craving some teenage angst and grabbed The Stepsister's Tale by Tracy Barrett and Little Blog on the Prairie by Cathleen Davitt Bell. I really liked The Stepsister's Tale (Don't let the cover art discourage you, I felt it to be an inaccurate representation). I don't tire of fairy tale re-tellings, but they are not all created equal by any means. I thought this version to be unique and lovely. The story felt akin to the movie Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister which I enjoy (present tense) greatly. The movie is based on the book by Gregory Macguire which I have not read. I'll read Little Blog on the Prairie next.

free range kids...I saw visions of the Canadian frontier as they ran

The kids and I (D included) devoured When Calls the Heart (season 1). Set in the Canadian frontier, it doesn't much resemble the Janette Oke books that inspired the series, but can call itself a kindred spirit to Christy and Little House on the Prairie. We'll be watching season two shortly (FYI season one is on Netflix.) The kids haven't watched many television series and when D watched the first show and it ended in a "cliffhanger" (new vocabulary word) as shows are wont to do, he was offended. It went something like, "What!?!?" along with another exclamation about how "they" could do such a thing. I was laughing.

Ahhh, unfiltered sunset (from a moving car no less!)

I know all this is random. My brain is a little bit scrambled. Mish-mash, but an ordained mish-mash. Summer has not been what I have thought, but has held great beauty also. I pray that you all take each mish-mash day from God's hand, whatever it brings.

Easter movie pick! (and a book pick too.)

Looking for an Easter movie? I recommend The Good Lie. Reese Witherspoon stars in this movie spotlighting Sudan, its civil war and its child refugees. The real stars are the actors who play the roles of the Sudanese refugees--all were Sudanese refugees, former child soldiers, or children of Sudanese refugees. 

Oh my goodness was this a good movie! So very powerful. Thought-provoking and heart-wrenching on many levels and many issues. 

I also cried myself to sleep, but don't let that discourage you. And my husband was crying. And we couldn't get it out of our heads, but in a good way.

I literally can't recall another movie I've seen that demonstrated and illustrated such unconditional Christ-like love and sacrifice. This is what moved us to tears. It was a portrait of Jesus. Unjust, despicable evil stood in stark contrast to immovable sacrificial and selfless love.

I urge you to watch this movie (in Redbox FYI). It's well worth it.

Many organizations do vital and risky work to help refugees in Sudan and other war-torn countries. I like Samaritan's Purse. We should not be content to merely sit in our plush bubble. We are so blessed. The world has big problems and we can neither fix them all nor take on all of their burdens, but we can do something. We can give financially, we can pray, we can be open to opportunities to serve. Just food for thought.

And for my book recommendation...

I have been LOVING bread & wine by Shauna Niequist. I can't put it down.

Today we remember the Last Supper. One of Jesus' last acts was to share a meal with those closest to his heart.

This book is not simply about "bread and wine." It's about love, heartache, faith, laughter, friendship, hope, struggle, and yes, food (lots of it). It's about sharing our table, sharing our time and sharing our hearts. It's coming together to share life whether it's a dinner party or frozen pizza.

My heart has been captured, she is most definitely a kindred spirit. Did I mention how much I love this book?

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“We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.” ~Epicurus 

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Happy, happy Easter!  Whatever table you find yourself at this weekend, remember the life we have been given in Jesus Christ. He is risen!!!!