300 days of beauty, day 4

I'm a huge advocate for reading "old books," those books which have stood the test of time and live to see another printing press. Of course, Louisa May Alcott is hardly an unknown author, but for me, this was an unknown book. I didn't expect to be sucked in and stay up until three in the morning when I first read it. (I even pretended to have fallen asleep so my husband wouldn't tell me to go to bed...he just let me "sleep" in the comfy living room chair.) 

The classics are comforting to me, this book continues to be a sweet read for my soul. This time around, I had the pleasure of reading it by a toasty warm fireplace in the mountains, on a bitterly wind-whipped day. Beautifully sweet.

paralyzed...wills and will nots this December (plus our fave movies!)

Several days ago I sat on my bed and I felt...paralyzed. I looked at the copious amount of clothes on the floor, clean and dirty. I thought of my kitchen that was not what one would call clean. I inwardly panicked at the school that I felt I needed to do and wasn't doing with the kids. And my mind ran on...gifts, baking, cards, calls, texts, email, blogs, invitations. I battled myself on how much I could possibly do in each of these categories. I want to do so much, but I crave simple. I feel guilty when my own expectations fall at the feet of reality and exhaustion.

So, I've been thinking about what I will do and will not do as December days roll through.

I will buy most of my Christmas treats at Trader Joe's. I don't necessarily enjoy baking, but it always feels like it's some sort of holiday rite of passage. If the fancy strikes me, then I will, but no Pinterest binge ambitions for me. Today D and Cece are baking granola and Belle and I are making porcupine meatballs (they are not made of porcupine meat...I had to clarify to my girl...).

I will try to keep the house "neutral." I can't keep up with Christmas and my normal home, so I will give myself grace. I may not entertain like I would like, but that can wait until January. December doesn't have to be the social pinnacle of the season.

I am not writing Christmas cards or taking Christmas pictures. Just too much. We left most of our ornaments in boxes this year. I LOVE my ornaments, but again, to simplify, this will go. We are de-junking before January but stopping when it feels overwhelming. 

We are reading lots of picture books and I am mostly just re-reading books I love. We are playing games. This afternoon I read Belle Mortimer's Christmas Manger by Karma Wilson. We love this sweet story. Then she requested Candy Land and although I inwardly cringed I took the ten minutes to play a game with my sweet girl. In my defense, I have played games of Candy Land that have taken near an hour and nearly cost me my sanity.

We're going to watch a lot of Christmas movies. We love them. We have our favorites (see list at bottom) and we find new ones we like. We snack, we snuggle, and we work on fun projects or gifts while we watch. What's on tonight you ask? WHITE CHRISTMAS. Best movie ever and the kids have joined in with me in requesting it.

We want to laugh more. This afternoon, we had a frowning Belle walk into our bedroom, shoulders slumped:

"Mommy, I made a mistake." (a resigned sigh)
"What did you do?"
"I broked this candy cane from the tree."
"How did it break?
"Well...I was scratching Barzi's back (our dog), and then it just broked in half!"

[insert me glancing at my husband, trying to not crack a smile, but dying inside]

No punishment necessary because she did come and confess and didn't just nab the candy cane and cover it up. She was hoping to eat the broken candy cane, but we declined her request.

So, anyway, I personally am going to try to let more things roll off. Laugh. Snicker. Giggle.

We want to take the time to chat with neighbors, talk on the phone to those we love, meet for coffee, be kind to the frazzled holiday workers and shoppers and savor the time with each other in our home. Knowing we cannot connect with everyone we would like to, but trusting the connections that are set in front of us.

I suppose my overall feeling is that I'm not going to do December perfectly and it won't be stress free. We will take each day and moment and trust God in how it plays out. There will be things dropped and left undone, but I hope that it will yield a peace that we did what God called us to, in the big and little moments of this Christmas season.

p.s. I've loved the devotional Savor: Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are by Shauna Niequist. I've especially appreciated her December entries. Exactly what my heart had been feeling and needed to hear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas movies!

My favorites: White Christmas, Sound of Music (played on TV every Christmas growing up), and While You Were Sleeping
 
My husband: It's A Wonderful Life (not much of a movie watcher, but I made him choose. And I quote: "That's the only Christmas movie I like except Mistletoe Delight, you know, the one about the girl who..."[and he continues with his exaggerated description]. He gets a little snarky sometimes...but we laugh. And for the record I have never made him watch any movie with this title. Close, but not exactly.

D (age 12): The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe; Mrs. Miracle; Call Me Mrs. Miracle

Cece (age 10): Dear Santa, A Princess for Christmas, Samantha: An American Girl Holiday

Belle (age 7): Frozen, Rise of the Guardians, and Arthur Christmas

Christmas reads..."Tis the Season!

I'm a sucker for seasonal advertising/products of all sorts. My husband says that all such advertising was created especially for me (and personalities like mine). It usually starts with the acquisition of all things pumpkin and cider and now we're on to gingerbread, cinnamon, and cocoa.

My kids make fun of me because my most commonly used phrase for food and activities is “'Tis the Season!” We soak, savor, and roll in the season.

I also love Christmas movies, books and novellas. I've already overdosed my husband on Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. He tries unsuccessfully to avoid rolling his eyes and mocking said movies that he graciously agrees to watch with me. For example, to quote my sweet and tolerant husband, it goes something like this: “Wait, are they going to get together? No way. I didn't see that coming. Oh, but first she has to realize that the guy she is with is not so great, and that she wants something more than success. But she'll make a choice to go back to her old life, but reconsider quickly...” And it goes on. Sometimes I indulge him and we mock them together. He's always on guard when I start a sentence with, “Did I ever make you watch...?” Make being the key word.

Movies will be saved for another day, but here are books I enjoy each season:

Finding Father Christmas and Engaging Father Christmas by Robin Jones Gunn—I love all books by Robin Jones Gunn and I enjoy this duo each season. A young woman's search for her father, an English village at Christmas time, a story best enjoyed with scones and a pot of tea.

A Redbird Christmas: A Novel by Fannie Flagg—I can't recall who pointed me to this read several years ago, but I enjoyed it so much I bought it. Quirky, captivating, hilarious, and heart-warming, this book features Mr. Oswald T. Campbell who upon hearing that he had only months to live, heads from Chicago to a small town “...deep in the southernmost part of Alabama.” It's fabulous, that's all I can say.

The Bridge by Karen Kingsbury—It all starts at a bookstore in Nashville--a couple ministering through books, a man losing hope, and a friendship torn apart through deception. I love this read because I believe there is magnificent beauty in an ordinary life lived for relationship. We can change the world, one interaction, one word, one moment at a time. It matters. I have also seen in my life how powerful a good book can be...for wisdom, empathy, strength, comfort, so many things.

A Wreath of Snow: A Victorian Christmas Novella by Liz Curtis Higgs—Liz Curtis Higgs does historical fiction so very well and this novella is no exception. A wounded, hurting family and a man desperately seeking forgiveness are thrown together on Christmas Eve, 1894 in Stirling, Scotland. Best enjoyed on a gray and snowy evening with a steaming pot of Scottish breakfast tea and a piece of Scottish shortbread (sneak a peak in the back of the book for a recipe).

A Marriage Carol by Chris Fabry and Gary D. Chapman—No disguise here, a couple headed for divorce is given the gift of seeing their past, present, and future.

The Christmas Bride by Grace Livingston Hill—I wasn't sure when I started this book. Being an old book (published in 1934) the style is different than what I'm used to. On the other hand, only the best books survive 80 years after being published. Set in Chicago in the 1920's, Gregory Sterling is a man of character and you can't help but like him. I was smiling and laughing and yes, even crying in spite of myself.

I have also enjoyed Christmas books from the “Love Finds You...” series including Love Finds You in the City at Christmas, Love Finds You in Frost, Minnesota, and Love Finds You at Home for Christmas. The titles are such that you might be tempted to hide a copy you are reading under a pillow, but I thought they were well-written, sweet Christmas reads. If it bothers you to be able to guess what might happen, then they might irritate you. I love watching the journey characters take, and with all that we see in the news every day, I can sure use a God-honoring story with a happy ending.

Treasures of the Snow by Patricia St. John—If you want a FANTABULOUS read-aloud for your family this Christmas season, this is the one. Written in 1948, set in Switzerland, the author felt that her country needed a story to illustrate the power of forgiveness after the horrors of World War II. I recommend making “gingerbread bears” decorated with white icing to eat while you read this soul-stirring book.

Happy, happy reading!

i'm loving...these books

Books come in all flavors and I crave different flavors as I wade through the stream of moments that become my days, weeks, months, and years. Right now, I've needed some soul encouragement, and I've loved these three books.

I've mentioned Bittersweet before, but I'm still loving it. It's written in more of a vignette form, so I can sit down and read several sections when I have a few free minutes. I like how Shauna Niequist writes, but I also like what she writes. And as an aside, if you have struggled with infertility and miscarriages, I'd grab this book in a heartbeat (or for loved ones). It's a collaboration of so many stories and topics, but this theme has stood out to me. That particular struggle is not one I have faced, but I have still appreciated what she has written. I don't want to put this book in a box by mentioning only one topic, so I'll say this book would be for any woman who is dealing with this beautiful messy life...so everyone (in my opinion...whatever that is worth!). I've been stewing in some bittersweet brew, so I'll say again how much I've appreciated this book.

 

My sweet friend pointed me toward this read saying that it sounded like my kind of book. I read the title and description and then hopped on Amazon and ordered it (thank you Amazon Prime). This is kind of my mantra, finding beauty and joy where I live each day. Blooming where God has planted me, but resting in hope for what He has beyond today. I have an adventurous heart that has been stunted and disgruntled with discontent as of late. So, this book has been a gift to my hurting heart. I haven't connected with the practical parts of the book as much, but I would consider her tips and ideas good ones, just not new to me personally. However, when Sarah Mae speaks to the heart of our struggles and dreams and hopes, and connects those to a loving, engaged and present God, I'm listening. In the midst of Cheerios and laundry and squabbly messes, I can still find joy and beauty and I can rest in a God who sees, who knows, who cares, and who has not forgotten me.

Do you love Jane Austen? Then you will LOVE this. When I'm dealing with a lot of stress and battling anxiety, I can't read contemporary fiction. It makes me feel frenetic and crazy. I have to go back to the classics (or those handful of books which have been read and re-read countless times). Published in 1855, it is not a book about the American Civil War as I originally thought (before I knew the publishing date...I do know my history dates, at least that one!). It tells the story of a young woman who moves with her parents from Southern England to the industrial North. The BBC made a miniseries from this book that is positively lovely lovely lovely. I love old books because they have stood the test of time. The rubbish has ceased to be published and only the best literature has survived. I often wander what books will be read from our time 100 years from now. The writing is complex and intellectual, unlike most fiction found today, and the fact that I must concentrate on what I'm reading helps pull my scattered brain from all that flits around it, unanchored and disorderly. I'm savoring this read.

School is around the corner. Yay! And, sigh. Trusting God for the adventure He has for my family this year!

bittersweet...the stuff of life

I've always been one to read five to ten books at a time. Sometimes each and every book option looks like moldy leftovers. Like yesterday. 

I've not been functioning very well. Angry, sad, overwhelmed, indifferent...sounds lovely, right? Last night, I needed space in the worst way. Physical space, brain space, emotional space...space of all kinds. I'd call it an "introvert emergency" resembling a volcano or deep fissures and fractures beneath the earth's crust.

I hate feeling this way. I scanned my book options offered in my myriad of piles and shelves around my house. I saw this book and knew. Bittersweet. Was there a better word to describe what was happening in my heart? Some bitter, some sweet, and whole lotta overwhelmed. I'm not really into zombie literature (I just can't, I'm sorry...the adulteration of Pride and Prejudice sealed the deal), but if I were into zombies, I think I could relate with the characters. My life feels hazy.

I grabbed Bittersweet, brewed some Celestial Seasonings white pear tea and headed to my beloved front porch. I read as my porch swing swayed gently, soothing my fractious heart. The writing met me. God used her words to calm my spirit that would not settle.

So many passages spoke to my heart. I'll relay her thoughts on waves (the ocean/lake kind) which I found very timely as I wrestle with change in my life and lives around me.

"...if you try to stand and face the wave, it will smash you to bits, but if you trust the water and let it carry you, there's nothing sweeter....If you dig in and fight the change you're facing, it will indeed smash you to bits. It will hold you under, drag you across the rough sand, scare and confuse you.

"Every wave presents us with a choice to make, and quite often, unfortunately, I have stood, both resolute and terrified, staring down a wave. I have been smacked straight on with the force of the water, tumbled, disoriented, gasping for breath and for my swimsuit bottoms, and spit onto shore, embarrassed and sand-burned, standing up only to get knocked down again, refusing to float on the surface and surrender to the sea.

"There were also a few glittering, very rare moments of peace and sweetness, when I felt the goodness and familiarity of people who loved me, when God's voice sounded tender and fatherly to my ears, when I was able to release my breath and my fists for just a moment and float. And as I mine back through my heart and memories, I notice something interesting: the best moments of the last few years were the very rare moments when I've allowed these changes to work their way through my life, when I've lived up to my faith, when I've been able even for a minute to see life as more than my very own plan unfolding on my schedule, when I've practice acceptance, when I've floated instead of fought, when I've rested, even for a moment on the surface instead of wrestling the water itself. And those moments are like heaven." 

~Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: thoughts on change, grace, and learning the hard way, p. 15, 19

I agree with Shauna: "Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. It's courageous, gutsy, audacious, earthy."

So, I guess you can say I like this book. I'm off to enjoy a rare evening of peace and quiet (meaning that I am in my house ALONE.) Can you hear the Hallelujah chorus? Well, I can't because my house has a pristine silent melody going on.

I'm most definitely not out of my funk, but God is at work. I'll pray for grace to stop fighting the waves.