on the value of re-reading for the refreshment of your soul...

"No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally--and often far more worth reading at the age of fifty and beyond."  C.S. Lewis

If C.S. Lewis said it, it must be true. One hardly need convince me that good [fiction] literature feeds the soul and the best books are worth reading again and again. I never leave home without a book at my fingertips or a book recommendation on my tongue.

Over the years I have found what I call ‘soul books’--kindred spirits that I read yearly, seasonally, and simply when I need a comfort read. Not all books reach this status, but I have quite a few on my list. Books by Robin Jones Gunn, Francine Rivers, Lisa Wingate and Louisa May Alcott to name a few. What I’ve seen over many years of reading and re-reading is backed up by Louisa May Alcott: "Some books are so familiar that reading them is like being home again."

When I pick up one of these books to read again, I often times expect a sentimental road trip or a brainless read. But instead, I “always find a new book” as C.S. Lewis put it. My life experiences have changed. I am older, a different phase of life, and these books speak to me in a completely different way than when I was a teenager, a college student, young single, young married, young mom, and the life phases parade on.

For example, take Harry Potter. Not to douse Harry Potter fandom but I hated the fifth book. I felt agitated during the entire book and at the end I was simple ticked off. [Vague spoilers coming in droves]

Harry was nothing short of angsty, brooding and irritating. I wanted to shake him and say, “Get it together, man!”

A key (and favorite) character is murdered. I wanted to give J.K. Rowling a piece of my mind, “Lay off the death, and lay off Harry! I’m trying to enjoy reading this book!”

I re-read the series again about 10 years later with my son. In ten years much had changed for me. I had three kids. I had lost my dad and several other family members in tragic and unexpected circumstances. I had walked through a situation of stinging betrayal unlike I had ever experienced.

I read through the fifth book of Harry Potter and I cried...often. The characters are in terrifying and uncertain times. Many have died, friendships have been betrayed. And I understand Harry. Losing so much breeds a certain amount of anger and fear that cannot be dismissed with trite words or even personal desire. Instead of shaking him, I think “I get you, Harry. I get you.”

Even the character who dies in the end affected my heart in a different way. A bit angry, yes, but mostly a sad resignation. I get it, this extreme loss— unfair, senseless, confusing, part of life.

New to me was my connection to Molly Weasley, the spunky and endearing mom in the book series. Molly Weasley had always been so strong and fearless and determined. In this book, the characters are living in a time of great danger and extreme stress. Although, Molly Weasley is walking with courage and hope, she is not immune to the mounting effects of fear and stress. There is a scene where she is battling a boggart [harmless creatures who take the form of what you most fear]. This boggart becomes, in succession, the corpses of her husband, her children, and Harry, whom she loves as a son. She can’t fight it. Harry finds her sobbing and dispatches the creature. I was sobbing by the end of the scene. I have battled that fear. I have felt completely paralyzed. Watching her I empathize, but also evaluate how I react to my fears and how I deal with stress.

"In great literature, I become a thousand different men but still remain myself." C.S. Lewis

And what would a blog post on re-reading popular and classic pieces of literature be without mention of Jane Austen? Not much of anything to be sure. Pride and Prejudice had always topped my list, followed closely by Sense and Sensibility and Persuasion. Mansfield Park and Northanger Abbey came next and Emma sat at the bottom. Emma was my most disliked heroine. Flawed. Irritating. Arrogant. Manipulative. "I judge you, Emma. I judge you."

Life has a way of humbling your soul. In a good way. When I read Emma now, I relate to her. Her flaws breed hope in my heart. Her failings and weakness allow me to examine my own. Her triumphs and ultimate heart change bring tears to my eyes (not totally surprising, I cry a lot…). Her transformation is painful to watch or read, but the reality is that change is painful especially in our own hearts. The hope comes from seeing that transformation is possible. There is nothing encouraging in perfection. As Jane Austen states in a letter to her niece,"Pictures of perfection, as you know, make me sick and wicked."  

Reading gives me the opportunity to view my life as Ebenezer Scrooge does in A Christmas Carol. A clearer lens, an outside perspective. Re-reading books gives me that same experience, but more so, because I can see how my life has changed. I can trace my change in heart and perspective. I can see where I have erred and where I have triumphed. As C.S. Lewis said, “Literature irrigates the deserts that our lives have become.”

Our lives need fresh water. Which book will you re-read first?

can I choose you?

Many evenings as we put our kids to bed, we're done. "Done" being a universal code parents use when they feel like they cannot do one more thing. One more question, whine, mess, request, anything will tip the scale to results that will be nothing resembling pretty. My husband and I don't like this about ourselves. We know we live in days which are very long, and years which are very short. My husband and I talk often of finding the balance between taking the "brain space" we need in the evenings without putting a wall up towards our kids. Boundaries are good for their life, but we can draw the lines too sharply at times. Balance. Illusive, yet worth striving to find as our parenting seasons change.

Several nights ago, I was tucking Belle into bed and she requested a story. Our dialogue went something like this:

Belle: "Please can you read me a story? Just me? Just one book? Please?" (She pleads quite well with her big chocolate brown eyes.)

Me: "Not tonight, time to sleep."

Belle: "Oh, please!?"

Me: "Okay, just one."

I grabbed Horace off of the girls' bookcase and read this very sweet story to my very sweet girl. I love this book. It tells the story of a leopard cub adopted by a tiger family. One day, he sets off to find a family that looks like he does. He finds a family playing in the park and spends the day with them, but realizes that just because they look like him, it does not make them his family. It's a beautiful story of adoption, displaying that families do not have to look the same to be designed perfectly.

I love my kids so very much. They call themselves chocolate, caramel, and vanilla. It is their normal. I can't imagine having a daughter who looks like me and I wouldn't want it because I wouldn't have my two beauties. I tell them often how very glad I am that God chose them especially for our family. I want them to rest in that truth. Knowing God sovereignly hand-picked them to be with us. Not just for their sake, but for ours. I don't know where we would be without them.

Belle was thoughtful as I read her Horace. In the middle she said, "I never wanted a new family." Sweet words for my heart.

When I finished and I was tucking her in (again), she looked at me and said, "Hey mom, can I choose you as my mom every single day?"

I would love that.

We bought this leopard for Belle when she was born. When she first learned to talk, she named it "Beppo" because that was as close as she could come to "leopard." Sweet memories.

i'm loving...these books

Books come in all flavors and I crave different flavors as I wade through the stream of moments that become my days, weeks, months, and years. Right now, I've needed some soul encouragement, and I've loved these three books.

I've mentioned Bittersweet before, but I'm still loving it. It's written in more of a vignette form, so I can sit down and read several sections when I have a few free minutes. I like how Shauna Niequist writes, but I also like what she writes. And as an aside, if you have struggled with infertility and miscarriages, I'd grab this book in a heartbeat (or for loved ones). It's a collaboration of so many stories and topics, but this theme has stood out to me. That particular struggle is not one I have faced, but I have still appreciated what she has written. I don't want to put this book in a box by mentioning only one topic, so I'll say this book would be for any woman who is dealing with this beautiful messy life...so everyone (in my opinion...whatever that is worth!). I've been stewing in some bittersweet brew, so I'll say again how much I've appreciated this book.

 

My sweet friend pointed me toward this read saying that it sounded like my kind of book. I read the title and description and then hopped on Amazon and ordered it (thank you Amazon Prime). This is kind of my mantra, finding beauty and joy where I live each day. Blooming where God has planted me, but resting in hope for what He has beyond today. I have an adventurous heart that has been stunted and disgruntled with discontent as of late. So, this book has been a gift to my hurting heart. I haven't connected with the practical parts of the book as much, but I would consider her tips and ideas good ones, just not new to me personally. However, when Sarah Mae speaks to the heart of our struggles and dreams and hopes, and connects those to a loving, engaged and present God, I'm listening. In the midst of Cheerios and laundry and squabbly messes, I can still find joy and beauty and I can rest in a God who sees, who knows, who cares, and who has not forgotten me.

Do you love Jane Austen? Then you will LOVE this. When I'm dealing with a lot of stress and battling anxiety, I can't read contemporary fiction. It makes me feel frenetic and crazy. I have to go back to the classics (or those handful of books which have been read and re-read countless times). Published in 1855, it is not a book about the American Civil War as I originally thought (before I knew the publishing date...I do know my history dates, at least that one!). It tells the story of a young woman who moves with her parents from Southern England to the industrial North. The BBC made a miniseries from this book that is positively lovely lovely lovely. I love old books because they have stood the test of time. The rubbish has ceased to be published and only the best literature has survived. I often wander what books will be read from our time 100 years from now. The writing is complex and intellectual, unlike most fiction found today, and the fact that I must concentrate on what I'm reading helps pull my scattered brain from all that flits around it, unanchored and disorderly. I'm savoring this read.

School is around the corner. Yay! And, sigh. Trusting God for the adventure He has for my family this year!

summer goals~100 books

 

So, my almost 12-year-old is continuing his march toward reading 100 books for this summer. The deadline is the real end of summer, September 21st-ish and he thinks he'll make it. His base goal was 75 books by the end of summer vacation, somewhere in the mid-August vicinity. 

I asked him to pick five favorites (a tall order as he loved many of these titles and did not find one that he loathed). 

Drumroll, please! (descriptions given courtesy of D..."idiomatic" may have been my word, but D dictated the rest...)

1. Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain--classic, adventure, history...he devoured it.
2. Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone by J.K. Rowling--magic, adventure, special powers, mystery, friendship...
3. The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster--an adventure with lots of idiomatic fun (expressions, sayings, play on words, and idioms)
4. Emily's Runaway Imagination by Beverly Cleary--a story set in the early 1900's on a farm, Emily is creative, energetic and imaginative...
5. Eric Liddell by Janet and Geoff Benge--story of a missionary to China who was also one of  the greatest runners. He honored God with his whole life...

bittersweet...the stuff of life

I've always been one to read five to ten books at a time. Sometimes each and every book option looks like moldy leftovers. Like yesterday. 

I've not been functioning very well. Angry, sad, overwhelmed, indifferent...sounds lovely, right? Last night, I needed space in the worst way. Physical space, brain space, emotional space...space of all kinds. I'd call it an "introvert emergency" resembling a volcano or deep fissures and fractures beneath the earth's crust.

I hate feeling this way. I scanned my book options offered in my myriad of piles and shelves around my house. I saw this book and knew. Bittersweet. Was there a better word to describe what was happening in my heart? Some bitter, some sweet, and whole lotta overwhelmed. I'm not really into zombie literature (I just can't, I'm sorry...the adulteration of Pride and Prejudice sealed the deal), but if I were into zombies, I think I could relate with the characters. My life feels hazy.

I grabbed Bittersweet, brewed some Celestial Seasonings white pear tea and headed to my beloved front porch. I read as my porch swing swayed gently, soothing my fractious heart. The writing met me. God used her words to calm my spirit that would not settle.

So many passages spoke to my heart. I'll relay her thoughts on waves (the ocean/lake kind) which I found very timely as I wrestle with change in my life and lives around me.

"...if you try to stand and face the wave, it will smash you to bits, but if you trust the water and let it carry you, there's nothing sweeter....If you dig in and fight the change you're facing, it will indeed smash you to bits. It will hold you under, drag you across the rough sand, scare and confuse you.

"Every wave presents us with a choice to make, and quite often, unfortunately, I have stood, both resolute and terrified, staring down a wave. I have been smacked straight on with the force of the water, tumbled, disoriented, gasping for breath and for my swimsuit bottoms, and spit onto shore, embarrassed and sand-burned, standing up only to get knocked down again, refusing to float on the surface and surrender to the sea.

"There were also a few glittering, very rare moments of peace and sweetness, when I felt the goodness and familiarity of people who loved me, when God's voice sounded tender and fatherly to my ears, when I was able to release my breath and my fists for just a moment and float. And as I mine back through my heart and memories, I notice something interesting: the best moments of the last few years were the very rare moments when I've allowed these changes to work their way through my life, when I've lived up to my faith, when I've been able even for a minute to see life as more than my very own plan unfolding on my schedule, when I've practice acceptance, when I've floated instead of fought, when I've rested, even for a moment on the surface instead of wrestling the water itself. And those moments are like heaven." 

~Shauna Niequist, Bittersweet: thoughts on change, grace, and learning the hard way, p. 15, 19

I agree with Shauna: "Bittersweet is the practice of believing that we really do need both the bitter and sweet, and that a life of nothing but sweetness rots both your teeth and your soul. Bitter is what makes us strong, what forces us to push through, what helps us earn the lines on our faces and calluses on our hands. Sweet is nice enough, but bittersweet is beautiful, nuanced, full of depth and complexity. It's courageous, gutsy, audacious, earthy."

So, I guess you can say I like this book. I'm off to enjoy a rare evening of peace and quiet (meaning that I am in my house ALONE.) Can you hear the Hallelujah chorus? Well, I can't because my house has a pristine silent melody going on.

I'm most definitely not out of my funk, but God is at work. I'll pray for grace to stop fighting the waves.

summer mish-mash

I know, you haven't heard from me in awhile. I have lots of excuses. Included in those excuses would be the words "crazy" and "freight train." A friend of ours was giving announcements at church and while welcoming everyone said something to the effect of, "Remember when all of those summer things looked like a great idea a month ago? And now it's more like, 'what were we thinking?!'" Yeah. I get that.

starting the morning right...coffee in fresh mountain air tastes better than about anything...

While I'm at it, why do house projects seem like a good idea in the summer? Some people like the process of projects. I don't. I like planning them and I like when they are finished. The rest is Purgatory and I have lines from this book running through my head.

Also, this week we said goodbye to dear friends and sent them with our love and prayers to Tokyo. It was rough. My so very sweet son wanted to cheer me up so he took me to a movie and said he would pay for the movie and whatever snacks I wanted. LOVE HIM. We saw Inside Out. SO good. I was pretty much crying the whole time (I may be a little on edge). I'm not talking silent, peaceful cry. I'm talking silent, super ugly cry. The kind that almost hurts to keep in and the kind where you're glad you are in the very back of the movie theater sitting in the dark. Cece said, "I knew you were crying." Anyway, a great family flick. My husband loved it too. He was cracking up and there is nothing I love so much as to hear him laugh.

What else? We swim, we walk, we read, we don't cook, lots of normal stuff and the days fly. Can it be near August already? We have frolicked in our mountains, kayaked, fished, hiked, ATVed. We took an impromptu detour to the Sand Dunes--spontaneity feeds the soul sometimes. This summer has walked briskly when I've wanted to stroll. We've hit hard and good, stressful and joyful. We'll take it all from the hand of God.

Am I in Africa? Not going to lie, I wished for a camel on several occasions.

Last week, I bought this book simply because it was pretty. Don't judge. I may have a new addiction to Penguin Threads. A copy in hand is even prettier than this picture can portray.

I was craving some teenage angst and grabbed The Stepsister's Tale by Tracy Barrett and Little Blog on the Prairie by Cathleen Davitt Bell. I really liked The Stepsister's Tale (Don't let the cover art discourage you, I felt it to be an inaccurate representation). I don't tire of fairy tale re-tellings, but they are not all created equal by any means. I thought this version to be unique and lovely. The story felt akin to the movie Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister which I enjoy (present tense) greatly. The movie is based on the book by Gregory Macguire which I have not read. I'll read Little Blog on the Prairie next.

free range kids...I saw visions of the Canadian frontier as they ran

The kids and I (D included) devoured When Calls the Heart (season 1). Set in the Canadian frontier, it doesn't much resemble the Janette Oke books that inspired the series, but can call itself a kindred spirit to Christy and Little House on the Prairie. We'll be watching season two shortly (FYI season one is on Netflix.) The kids haven't watched many television series and when D watched the first show and it ended in a "cliffhanger" (new vocabulary word) as shows are wont to do, he was offended. It went something like, "What!?!?" along with another exclamation about how "they" could do such a thing. I was laughing.

Ahhh, unfiltered sunset (from a moving car no less!)

I know all this is random. My brain is a little bit scrambled. Mish-mash, but an ordained mish-mash. Summer has not been what I have thought, but has held great beauty also. I pray that you all take each mish-mash day from God's hand, whatever it brings.

summer goals...100 books

I'm going to be honest, June has been a freight train and it may be July before I settle into summer with some semblance of vision and lackadaisical routine. We have lots of thoughts, lists, and floating plans that need a home on the calendar, but we're getting there. 

I mentioned earlier that we were plotting and planning some big goals for D. He's headed into seventh grade and we think he can handle it and we believe it will be good for him. 

Well, we're still plotting, but the first goal has been selected. D is striving to read 100 books by summer's end. He has grabbed every book on our shelves that he hasn't read, along with a hefty stack of books to read again. Yesterday, he asked if he could read the Harry Potter series again (the two of us read it together last summer and it was awesome...I had read it before, but loved reading along with him). I agreed with the caveat that he had to read at least two new books in between "read agains." He agreed to my terms.

To date, he has read 13 books and I told him I'd record his progress on my blog--for him, for me, and for other eleven-year-olds (and their parents) who need some book recommendations.

• 1. Kane Chronicles #1, The Red Pyramid--Rick Riordan
• 2. Kane Chronicles #2, The Throne of Fire--Rick Riordan (Egyptian Mythology anyone?)
• 3. Ben and Me--Robert Lawson (Benjamin Franklin and his mouse, Amos)
• 4. Dandelion Fire, 100 Cupboards series #2--N.D. Wilson
• 5. The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles--Julie Edwards (aka Julie Andrews, yes, that one...I heard this book as a read-aloud in second grade, I was enchanted.)
• 6. Carry On, Mr. Bowditch--Jean Lee Latham (colonial America pick)
• 7. Mr. Revere and I--Robert Lawson (Paul Revere and his horse)
• 8. The River--Gary Paulsen (sequel to Hatchet)
• 9. Hardy Boys #2, The House on the Cliff--Franklin W. Dixon
• 10. Hardy Boys #54, The Mysterious Caravan
• 11. Hardy Boys #56, The Jungle Pyramid
• 12. Hardy Boys #57, The Firebird Rocket
• 13. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone--J.K. Rowling

Happy summer planning to ya'll, may you be far more organized than I am!

just finished...Victim of Grace

nothing sweeter than a sunny summerish morning to savor these words...(coffee not pictured)

Just finished this gem--Victim of Grace by Robin Jones Gunn. I can't say for sure if I'd love it as much had I not grown up physically and spiritually with Robin's books. This was her story, painted with the same mastery of words that have touched so many lives. I cried, I laughed, I looked back with understanding and forward with hope. I was reminded how intimately God is involved in our lives.

I'll share one story. Robin dreamed of being a missionary. She wanted more than anything to travel to Africa and she applied for a laundry supervisor position at a Kenyan-based mission organization. She was turned down and she was crushed.

Years down the road she could see with clarity that God's dream for her was to use her words, her stories, as the missionaries. His plan was different yet so much better.

Robin did travel to Kenya one day. Adventuring with a Kenyan friend, they drove by a river and saw two women washing clothes in a river. Robin stopped, and she asked one of the women if she could wash clothes for her. The woman agreed (I would guess bemusedly), and this is what Robin wrote after she left the river:

Robin's friend said, "'It was not what you were created to do, was it?"

'No, it wasn't. I can say with full assurance that being a laundry supervisor was not God's will for my life,' I [Robin] smiled back at her.

We ambled on down the rutted road for a stretch, and all I could think was how passionately I wished that every woman could put her hands into the bucket of her unanswered prayers. What a powerful thing it was to hear the affirming echo in my heart that God's ways are perfect. He has plans for us that are bigger than any dream or whim we could ever wish for ourselves."

Sometimes, I think we can see God's fingerprints in our lives better through someone else's story. Whether that be a biography, autobiography, or fiction. This is true for me. I would heartily recommend this book. If we are going to be a victim, let us be victims of grace.

The word grace has surfaced around me as of late. Bubbling and bursting, not to be ignored. God has much to untangle in my performance driven, perfectionistic heart, but I want to feel His grace. Really feel it, know it, soak in it.

Grace.

Grace.

Grace.

Victim of Grace nudged me in the direction I need to walk. Thanks, Robin.

Easter movie pick! (and a book pick too.)

Looking for an Easter movie? I recommend The Good Lie. Reese Witherspoon stars in this movie spotlighting Sudan, its civil war and its child refugees. The real stars are the actors who play the roles of the Sudanese refugees--all were Sudanese refugees, former child soldiers, or children of Sudanese refugees. 

Oh my goodness was this a good movie! So very powerful. Thought-provoking and heart-wrenching on many levels and many issues. 

I also cried myself to sleep, but don't let that discourage you. And my husband was crying. And we couldn't get it out of our heads, but in a good way.

I literally can't recall another movie I've seen that demonstrated and illustrated such unconditional Christ-like love and sacrifice. This is what moved us to tears. It was a portrait of Jesus. Unjust, despicable evil stood in stark contrast to immovable sacrificial and selfless love.

I urge you to watch this movie (in Redbox FYI). It's well worth it.

Many organizations do vital and risky work to help refugees in Sudan and other war-torn countries. I like Samaritan's Purse. We should not be content to merely sit in our plush bubble. We are so blessed. The world has big problems and we can neither fix them all nor take on all of their burdens, but we can do something. We can give financially, we can pray, we can be open to opportunities to serve. Just food for thought.

And for my book recommendation...

I have been LOVING bread & wine by Shauna Niequist. I can't put it down.

Today we remember the Last Supper. One of Jesus' last acts was to share a meal with those closest to his heart.

This book is not simply about "bread and wine." It's about love, heartache, faith, laughter, friendship, hope, struggle, and yes, food (lots of it). It's about sharing our table, sharing our time and sharing our hearts. It's coming together to share life whether it's a dinner party or frozen pizza.

My heart has been captured, she is most definitely a kindred spirit. Did I mention how much I love this book?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.” ~Epicurus 

~~~~~~~~~

Happy, happy Easter!  Whatever table you find yourself at this weekend, remember the life we have been given in Jesus Christ. He is risen!!!!

St. Patrick and his day

“Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.” 

~St. Patrick

In past years, I might have turned everything green and created a spread of exclusively green food. This year, I'm tired and my ambitions are lackluster at best and are quickly squashed by reality. Just being honest. We will wear green (I'll probably forget as usual and get pinched). We will also read The Story of St. Patrick: More Than Shamrocks and Leprechauns, a tradition. We want our kids to know about great men of faith and although I don't have a problem with the fun, uber-green side of St. Patrick's Day, I want them to know why and for whom this day was created for in the first place.

Reubens top the dinner menu, turkey reubens that is. I grew up with the traditional corned beef and cabbage, but I have never achieved the affinity for corned beef that my mom holds (meaning I can't stomach it), so I alter it just a bit. We may possibly make Irish Brown Bread during the day...and maybe we'll go buy a green donut or something. I do like festive treats....

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

 

Talking to Your Tears

I have struggled with depression. It was really hard to type those words. Although I accept that sometimes this is the journey that I have walked and will walk at times, it feels taboo, unspiritual. Like if I really had faith I would just snap out of it. I won't get into my personal details at this point, it is enough to say that I've walked through some rough waters, dark times, and deep sadness. 

Several years ago I stumbled across an article entitled "Talking to Your Tears" posted on the Desiring God website, written by John Piper. I re-read it often, and wanted to pass it on. I posted the article in its entirety, but the original article can be found here. 

I would also recommend John Piper's book, When the Darkness Will Not Lift. A short, powerful read for anyone who has or is struggling with depression OR if you have family members or friends who struggle. Well worth it.

Talking to Your Tears by John Piper

May those who sow in tears
reap with shouts of joy!
He that goes forth weeping,
bearing the seed for sowing,
shall come home with shouts of joy,
bringing his sheaves with him.

Psalm 126:5-6
 

There is nothing sad about sowing seed. It takes no more work than reaping. The days can be beautiful. There can be great hope of harvest. Yet the psalm speaks of “sowing in tears.” It says that someone “goes forth weeping, bearing the seed for sowing.” So why are they weeping?

I think the reason is not that sowing is sad, or that sowing is hard. I think the reason has nothing to do with sowing. Sowing is simply the work that has to be done even when there are things in life that make us cry. The crops won’t wait while we finish our grief or solve all our problems. If we are going to eat next winter we must get out in the field and sow the seed whether we are crying or not.

This psalm teaches the tough truth that there is work to be done whether I am emotionally up for it or not; and it is good for me to do it. Suppose you are in a blue funk and it is time to sow seed. Do you say, “I can’t sow the field this spring, because I am in a blue funk.” If you do that you will not eat in the winter.

But suppose you say, “I am in a blue funk. I cry if the milk runs out at breakfast. I cry if the phone and doorbell ring at the same time. I cry for no reason at all. But the field needs to be sowed. That is the way life is. I do not feel like it, but I will take my bag of seeds and go out in the fields and do my crying while I do my duty. I will sow in tears.”

If you do that, the promise of the psalm is that “you will reap with shouts of joy.” You will “come home with shouts of joy, bringing your sheaves with you.” Not because the tears of sowing produce the joy of reaping, but because the sheer sowing produces the reaping, and you need to remember this even when your tears tempt you to give up sowing.

So here’s the lesson: When there are simple, straightforward jobs to be done, and you are full of sadness, and tears are flowing easily, go ahead and do the jobs with tears. Be realistic. Say to your tears: ‘Tears, I feel you. You make me want to quit life. But there is a field to be sown (dishes to be washed, car to be fixed, sermon to be written). I know you will wet my face several times today, but I have work to do and you will just have to go with me. I intend to take the bag of seeds and sow. If you come along then you will just have to wet the rows.”

Then say, on the basis of God’s word, ‘Tears, I know that you will not stay forever. The very fact that I just do my work (tears and all) will in the end bring a harvest of blessing. So go ahead and flow if you must. But I believe (I do not yet see it or feel it fully)—I believe that the simple work of my sowing will bring sheaves of harvest. And your tears will be turned to joy.”

Learning to sow steadfastly,
Pastor John