300 days of beauty, days 83-86 {Jenny Lake}

Oh, how I love our family adventures. Four days by this gorgeous lake~the sweet life.

 

She captured a fairy...

300 days of beauty, day 24 [go broncos!]

Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, Tennessee. Go Vols! Go Broncos!

I thought it was appropriate to post this lovely view of Neyland Stadium from Fort Dickerson. We love Peyton, we love the Broncos. I'm so nervous, but happy to watch my team!

300 days of beauty, day 16 [road trip gem]

After driving thousands of miles, what is one more detour? We needed dinner and I love art. Cue the GIANT Van Gogh painting in Goodland, Kansas. 

ROAD TRIP GEM. 

The Christmas lights and miniature looking FedEx truck add the finishing touches. I also smiled at the tractors decked out for the holidays just down the street. I'm not making fun. I love the Kansas and Eastern Colorado plains and spent quite a bit of my childhood relishing in the beauty of rolling wheat fields as far as the eye can see.

My husband turned around so I could capture this picture properly. Do you see a theme with his tolerance of my habit? We understand each other.

Also, this painting (the real one) happens to be the first famous painting I had the opportunity to see in person. I traveled to London as my high school graduation present. We toured the National Gallery and I went searching for my Sunflowers right away. Prints shown in school classrooms cannot do justice to seeing the brush strokes up close. Van Gogh runs a tight race with Monet for my favorite artist.

I'm telling you, I love this country we live in!

300 days of beauty, day 15 [road trip gem]

We are one road-tripping family. The kind that will drive hours out of the way to check one more state off of our list. The kind that says, "Hey, it's only four hours to West Virginia, let's make a day of it!" 

[This may have been me more than my husband, but he is such a good sport.]

[Totally worth it, by the way. Appalachian mountains at peak fall foliage...no words.]

Anyway, the point being that this country we live in is AMAZING. It's so very diverse and unique with gems to be found at every turn. In this case, literally.

It took me many attempts to capture this road sign. I literally rode in the passenger seat for many miles with my camera aimed and semi-focused as my husband tried to see up ahead enough to alert me to the sign's appearance.

Finally! Success.

I loved this sign. I loved the horse-drawn buggies clopping down the roads and highways (although that made me nervous for them). The uniqueness for me was not a gawky, that's weird sort of unique, but more like admiration, respect, and that's simply beautiful sort of unique. A very different life than where God has me, but a part of His masterpiece just the same.

Road trip gems. Time with my family. Beauty.

300 days of beauty, day 14

“Many people will walk in and out of your life, 

but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

 [love these kids. Missouri farm fun. so sweet, too short.]

I am rich in friends and I don't take this gift lightly. As a mom, I love seeing the blossoming friendships of my kids--honey for my mama heart. Friendships change, it's the natural ebb and flow of the world, but I believe that some of their friendships will last across the years. And each and every kindred-spirit-soul-stirring connection will leave the best kind of footprints.

300 days of beauty, day 13

Topping the list of favorite places in the world, my kids choose our friends' farm in Missouri. D actually requested to come here instead of Disneyland. We have been blessed to visit three times and my kids can't get enough. How sweet it is to have the three kids of our dear friends become treasured friends to each other also. 

They played for hours in this hay loft (until we told them enough, as the air quality did not seem excessively beneficial long-term.) During our time here, my kids are treated to freedom of exploration like we could never give them in the city. And we are treated to the company and conversation of great friends.

300 days of beauty, day 8

"He made the storm be still, 

and the waves of the sea were hushed." 

Psalm 107:29

 Isle of Palms, South Carolina~November 2015

[no filter. amazing. the heavens declare the glory of God.]

300 days of beauty, day 7

My husband snapped this picture without my knowledge as we were weaving our way through Saturday crowds in Chinatown, during our time in New York City. I liked the candid shot and I liked that my husband wanted to capture the moment. He's not a picture-taker. I have often said that if I die, they won't remember what I look like. In spite of my joking, I don't mind being the one behind the camera. I love it and I love to capture the world around me. To some it feels like clutter, to me it feels refreshing and stress-relieving. 

I don't think I realized how much it mattered to me that the people I'm with were enjoying the moments and adventure with me. Taking photos is not the only way to communicate that time spent is valuable, but for this photo, that is what it spoke to me. It was a non-verbal message to my heart that communicated, "I enjoy being here with you. This time, this moment is valuable."

The other aspect of beauty in this picture is my sweet daughter looking up at me. I don't know what she was thinking, what made her look up toward my face, but this frozen moment felt profound. She is growing up and yet still very young. While her younger sister had to be forcibly convinced to hold our hands at times, Cece would silently sidle up next to us and slip her hand into ours, just like in this snapshot. It first happened in busy Chinatown, then at night in Little Italy after polishing off an exorbitant amount of rice pudding. At other times it was maneuvering through the subway stations, walking through Times Square, through Rockefeller Center, and down Fifth Avenue.

In New York City, I never worried about her wondering off, running ahead, falling in the subway tracks, or not listening to our instructions. I wouldn't have required her to hold my hand. But in the silent action that communicates more than hundreds of words, I heard her. She needed to hold my hand. She is not the girl who asks and pushes her way into whatever she wants. She is reserved and hangs back and is often uncertain of how to approach the world around her. But she was brave enough to be the little girl that she is. She felt safe with us and safer when she held my hand or her daddy's hand.

I have three kids and three very different personalities. They are complex and beautiful and unique. I want to see them, truly see their hearts. I want to hear them, whether they communicate with words or non-verbal gestures. I was surprised at first when she took my hand. I was touched and thankful that she did not feel above it. I'm treasure the memory it imprinted on my heart. And I'm thankful that I could hear her, without a single word.

Looking toward beauty, looking back with thankfulness

New Year's Eve marks an important anniversary for me. For my heart it represents a line in the sand. I stepped forward into the year 2004 feeling the gift of time that had been given to me.  I've gathered two blog posts that I wrote on New Year's Eve 2008 and 2013, five and ten years past my New Year's Eve of 2003.

December 31, 2008
 
Five years ago I was 25 with a three-month-old son and I was told that the I mole I had removed was melanoma. It changed my life forever. Today, New Year's Eve, is the five year anniversary of when I had my surgery--a sentinel node biopsy plus removing the area around the mole to see if the melanoma had spread. Every year since then, I start each year with profound thankfulness. Five years feels even better. 

Medically speaking, two years and five years are milestones for cancer survivors. I am thankful to pass those markers, but I also know that God is the ultimate holder of my statistics, each of my days here on earth have been numbered long before I was born.

I often ponder how different my life is now because of my cancer experience. When I had my five-year check-up two weeks ago, the doctor left the room, and I just started crying. I left the building, got in my car, and started bawling. Tears of joy. The happiest tears I had cried in a very long time. So thankful to be given another day, another year.

What have I cried out to God the most in the last five years since God preserved my life? To be able to stay home and raise my kids. To raise kids who love the Lord. At that time I only had one son. My family talked about what he would be like next Christmas at one-year-old, and I smiled outwardly, but inwardly wondered if I would be around next Christmas. 

Now, we have three amazing children. After our son, we adopted two beautiful daughters--every day they amaze me. I have been given such a great privilege to stay home with them, teach them, play with them, love them, learn from them, and be amazed at what God is doing in our family.

God allowed me to see what really mattered--I think my contentment in being a stay-at-home mom is largely because I faced the possibility of not being around at all. My life is rich. This New Year's Eve, I'm home celebrating with a cheese fondue dinner, no-bake cookies, snuggling with our three-month-old, smiling daughter, chatting with my son, listening to giggles from our three-year-old daughter, and watching a movie with my wonderful husband. This is the only place I'd want to be.

There is so much I could say about this, but I'll end with the first verse I read after finding out that I had melanoma: "Don't be afraid," he said, "for you are deeply loved by God. Be at peace; take heart and be strong!" Daniel 10:19 NLT

December 31, 2013

When my son was a baby and I would take him to the grocery store with me, gray-haired patrons would OFTEN stop me to ooh and awe over him, and then (without fail) remind me to cherish these years because they end in a flash. So very true. I hope I have honored their sage advice spoken from their life experience.

On this day, 10 years ago, I was scared to death. Early in the morning, leaving my 3-month-old son with my parents, my husband and I headed to the hospital for my surgery. Several weeks before, I had been informed that a mole that had been removed was melanoma. Since I had been pregnant when it developed, they didn't know how fast it had spread. The surgeon was removing a large chunk of area around where the mole had been as well as removing lymph nodes to check if the cancer had spread from its original site. I've journaled, blogged, and reflected about this time in my life each New Year's Eve for the last 10 years. 

Many events change a life, but this one was a doozy. And really, I wouldn't change it. I saw God's hand and felt His presence through it. It has directed the course I have taken as a wife and mom probably more than any other factor. That's not to say that I didn't battle tremendously with the fear, hurt, and anger at facing this at 25 years of age, but I see how He's used it in my life. He was and is faithful.

So today, I am thankful. I have been gifted TIME. Time to be a wife and a mom, time to be a sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, niece, aunt, and a friend. I don't feel like I always use my time the best, I feel unworthy and inadequate often, but always there is a thankfulness for being able to be here. The journey is not easy, but worth it. Ten years later I can say that I have continued to engage with the Lord. I may cry, question, yell, fear, doubt, and hurt at life sometimes, but I walk with Him. Not because I'm so great, but because He is. My heart's desire is to continue with Him--walking, running, leaping, limping, skipping, crawling, piggy-backing, or being cradled...whatever it takes.

The old hymn "In Christ Alone" has popped into my head. I love the whole song, but will highlight the beginning and the end...

"In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

...From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand"

wet, bedraggled, and laughing on the Grayson Highlands in Virginia

December 31, 2015

Today is a spectacularly normal day. Bright blue skies and frigid air and temps. I will have three to four cups of coffee. I will go for a run. I will probably clean my house, I will listen to my kids chatter and play and argue and sing (Belle is currently singing a Latin Christmas song while playing by the Christmas tree), I will soak it up because it is all so beautiful. We will spend time with friends tonight and then return home to ring in the New Year. My husband will not tell me to go to bed because it is the one night a year I am entitled to stay up as late as I want. Can you tell we disagree on this sometimes?? He loves me anyway. 

My theme for the year has seemed to center around the "beautiful mess" that is life. There is nothing pristine about the days I walk in, but I'll take them, every single one of them. 

I believe to the core of who I am that joy and beauty can be found wherever you find yourself this New Year's Eve. That does not mean life is perfect, that does not mean that hardship and tragedy can or should be glossed over in a fake sort of happiness that is neither genuine nor realistic. It's just that God is good, He is active and moving, He has purpose, gives beauty and joy, and radiates love and grace into this shambled world. He has never wasted anything that I've walked through, He has been faithful and patient and loving and present through more yuck than I can say. To journey through this life with my Lord is worth it and there is no other way to do it.

May you all have a, joy-filled, beauty-infused New Year's Eve and start to the New Year!

 ...and a few shots from our Isle of Palms beach weekend...it's always a good day on the beach

**********************************

My husband and two friends have an annual New Year's Eve snowshoeing expedition that they take each year. I call it the Arctic Expedition. They had a blast this year and as usual it was very cold and very windy. Nothing has quite compared to 2013, so I pulled the blog post from that expedition below, just for fun.

Arctic Expedition, December 31, 2013

Now onto the snowshoeing excursion which was more like an Antarctic expedition simulator. 

Here's the estimated data: 

• a hike to Lake of Glass which sits at timberline (between 11,000 and 12,000 feet above sea level)

• 8 miles round trip
• pelting snow

• 13 degrees with negative 8 windchill

• 50-100 mph gusts of wind

• some gusts being more constant than gusty

With these three guys that equals FUN. More or less anyway. Shaun said at one point he physically couldn't move his leg forward because of the wind's force. Mark lost a glove that was whipped off his person to unknown parts. With the wind at their back, they could practically fly :-). Jeff shot some video because the pictures couldn't quite capture the intensity. None of them had ever experienced such wind and they would be what you would call "outdoorsy" guys. Anyway, they had a blast, with much shared laughter and a growler of Coop's beer to drink at the top. It was epic (the wives will laugh at the stories, while shaking our heads in consternation).

After surviving Antarctica, the guys drove through the flood-ravaged valley and town of Glen Haven. The roads have been rebuilt, but many of these new roads are temporarily dirt. The dirt roads show where the floods completely demolished the previously paved highway. The devastation is unbelievable. 

As they rounded a curve, the tires hit ice sending the car into a slow spin. The momentum of the spin seemed too great to even think they would stop before the front tire dropped over the edge, sending them rolling into the river below. In the moment they each were rapidly calculating how they were going to get out of the car once they rolled. But then the car stopped...less than a foot from hitting the edge. Like an angel stuck a wedge under the tire, no joke. 

Praise the Lord for His protection!

Tennessee thoughts (and pictures too!)

We are home. I have avoided sitting down to type for many days. My brain is too full, my body too tired, the task of chronicling our many adventures daunting. Two weeks ago, we were beginning our last week in Knoxville, savoring our time, preparing to re-enter our normal life, saying goodbye to new friends who quickly became beloved. As the rain poured down outside our townhouse, and the wind through the trees sounded more like an ocean, I decided it was time to journal. My editing bandwidth felt limited, hence the delayed posting, but here were my thoughts from Tennessee:

Wild Ponies at Grayson Highlands State Park...amazing. Best hike ever.

1. Time goes so fast. One month seems limitless, we pack in so much and are still left with unchecked items. Daily life takes much of our time no matter how simply we live.
2. We have too much stuff and we don't need much stuff. I brought less this time than I did two years ago and it was still too much. I'm overall very happy with my packing, but it goes back to how fast time goes. I'm overly optimistic about what kind of projects I can get done. My life is simpler here, yet at the same time, it's not home and that in itself adds time and stress to my daily living.
3. When you adventure as a family, you can't expect a pristine experience. I was talking to my husband last night and the best word I could think of to describe our time was “messy.” Not a bad “messy” but the kind of messy like you've thrown a kaleidoscope of paint colors at random on a big canvas. The kind of messy that is exhilarating and joyful and fun, and yet you get paint in your eyes and cannot rid the flecks from your hair and eyebrows.
4. This trip was beautiful, so very beautiful.

Beauty is not about perfect, sinless moments. It is unrealistic and inauthentic to place such expectations on myself or my family. We are all sinners journeying together. We hope to glorify and honor God in the messiness...accepting and giving grace, accepting and giving forgiveness, listening to each other with a genuine heart to hear and understand each other's hearts.

I often think of what really defines beauty. It certainly doesn't feel beautiful when frustration boils over to sharp and snappish words aimed toward your three goofy and slightly whiny kids, trying to re-learn how to be in each other's space in the backseat of our rental car.

But in those same moments, interspersed with the irritation and sharp words, we find laughter and awe and delight.

Those same goofy kids decide to play “crack the egg” as we drive a road so “swavy” (Belle's word) that my husband was getting car sick even while driving. 

We jam to country songs, oldies (which sadly are songs that my husband and I grew up on), and other random findings on the radio. The kids even roll their eyes but they also dance with us.

We pass through miles upon miles of Christmas tree farms, windows rolled down to smell the evergreen scented air. Not to be left out, our fluffy pup of a dog sticks her head out of the car window, plastering her Muppet fur against her head and sending us into cascades of laughter. 

We drive four hours just to cross a couple of state borders, eat a Skeeter-dog, and visit three reservoirs, scaling the last one in the pitch black darkness. (I personally thought we may be arrested, but I digress.) We attempt to capture and inhale the splendor of West Virginia's rolling mountains, the trees creating a landscape canopy studded with autumn vibrancy like we've never seen before.

We discover wild ponies and wild turkeys, trudge through rainy, foggy, wind-swept highlands, and walk under Smoky mountain waterfalls. (We do not however get stuck in Cades Cove Loop again. Don't get me started on that fiasco...lesson learned.)

We develop definite opinions on where to get the best burgers (Cookout or Steak n' Shake) and shakes (Cookout hands down!).

Grotto Falls, Roaring Fork Motor Trail, Great Smoky Mountains

the aftermath of the hike...

We read books together on mountain tops, in parks and forest arboretums, along the river banks, and on South Carolina beaches. We listen to The Chronicles of Narnia, Reader's Theatre versions, over hundreds of driving miles (and I try not to fall asleep...when I drive, I must have music). I believe good literature is food for the heart and soul. And stories read together are so very valuable.

So many adventures have been messy, tainted by our weaknesses and failings and yet as we mesh through the swamp of yuck, we arrive in new places, richer places, where we laugh together, eat together, talk together, just be together. It's just life. A beautiful life, messy and complicated, but oh so worth it.

Hello, Eastern Tennessee!

We have been a bit busy as of late. We are spending one month in Tennessee for my husband's work, illustrating probably the number one reason I love homeschooling--adventure flexibility. That being said, it takes a whole lotta work to pack five people for a month with whatever can squeeze into our car. And I do mean squeeze. Clown cars have nothing on us. Needless to say, I was very tired before we left and I'm still tired now. I've tried to channel my inner Dory with the lines, "Just keep moving! Just keep moving!"

On top of my endless to-do lists, before leaving we encountered a bit of a mouse problem. We did not find said mouse before we left and are hoping we don't return to an odoriferous fragrance or a scene from Ratatouille. Shudder. We have a friend is generously checking on our house guest (hopefully just one)...very thankful for this! I figure God has a sense of humor and He was just sure I needed that extra push to get my basement clean-ish before we left as I know I would have put it off otherwise.

Anyway, we are all very excited to be in Tennessee a second time and generally consider it our family sabbatical. We are thankful that my husband's work allows us to do this and that because of homeschooling we have the flexibility to take this trip. For one month we step out of our normal life. We step away from house and home projects and upkeep. We step away from our weekly commitments and life pressure. We all lay aside our individual commitments and we go adventure as a family. Last time, it wasn't all perfect or ease or stress free, but so very very worth it.

Loved this sign at Zaxby's...where can I get one?

Just to clarify, I really love my life. I love our city, our community, our home, our neighbors...we are blessed. But being able to have a more simple existence for one month gives us an opportunity to take a bird's eye view on our life, a slower pace gifts us unhurried family moments. We are going to something, not running away. My husband still works during the week. I still have school to do. But the weekends are ours, the evenings are ours, and during the weekdays, Knoxville and the Great Smokies are our playground.

hiking at the University of Tennessee Arboretum

Belle found this little critter, I don't even know how..."eagle eyes" she says. It looks like a leaf from the top.

lablab bug

Apart from the somewhat horrifically long drive out here, we are settled in and getting situated. We're tired still. We're not in a groove and we're all a little grouchy at times. In spite of our grouchy moments, the weather is gorgeous, the leaves are frosted in magnificent autumn colors and are reaching their peak. Fall lasts longer here. We have already eaten too much Southern fare...yummy fried and are trying to eat better. We have picnicked on the banks of the Tennessee River at the Concord Park Cove (our favorite!), we have wandered the trails of the University of Tennessee Arboretum (another favorite), discovered the smallest green frog I've ever seen, and identified a new bug. In case you were wondering the lablab bug is an Asian transplant which really loves Kudzu vines (which are everywhere). They also like to hitchhike into our townhouse. Yesterday, we day-tripped through Virginia and West Virginia and visited three reservoirs (we didn't feel like we had driven enough recently...).

kudzu vines by our home...down the road they have attached themselves to power lines...taking over the world!

Cece's birthday was several days ago and she asked to stay around here and rest and do simple things. She sketched fashion creations, we played pool, we explored our complex...simple. She also wanted to swim in the Tennessee River like she did two years ago. No, it is not warm, but that doesn't stop my Guatemalan princess. We had a lovely beautiful evening celebrating.

I always pick thematic literature and here is our read-aloud list to date:

1. The Mandie Collection by Lois Gladys Leppard--love these books...we read three last time we were here and we will continue with them! (Christian/historical/mystery/North Carolina)

we play games and read our books in coffee shops...

2. Turn Homeward, Hannalee by Patricia Beatty (Historical/Civil War/Georgia)

3. Be Ever Hopeful, Hannalee by Patricia Beatty (sequel)

4. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain 

This is what I hope to do better while we here:

1. Get up earlier. I'm not what you would call a morning person especially if I have to wake up in darkness. Knoxville sits on the western edge of the eastern time zone. The sun rises at 8 a.m. and where I live that is never a reality. Surely I can get up at 7 and get an hour to read and write to start my day. I had a hard time with this last time and it seemed to get later and later. Carpe Diem!

2. Eat better. I found it challenging to not be in my normal kitchen without my normal grocery stores. Cooking began to feel quite difficult quite fast. Apart from the plethora or apples and muscadine grapes we bought from the stand near our home, we became a tad bit addicted to fast food. I was asked if I ate good food in Tennessee and what my favorite treats were. Hmmm. Grits? Fried pickles? Toe jam? Crushers (panini-pressed croissant breakfast sandwiches) and cinnamon rolls from our local coffee shop? Yes, most definitely the cinnamon rolls, way too many cinnamon rolls. I have a better handle on this and we WILL eat better! Our favorite apple stand is no longer there, so we'll keep searching.

3. Most importantly, I want to see God's sovereignty in his placement of our family into Eastern Tennessee, even though it is only for one month. I expected to see His hand in our family time two years ago during our first Tennessee stint, I didn't expect fruit outside of that and I was so very wrong.

In one month we made a sweet connection with an elderly woman in our apartment complex. To be honest, I was feeling self-conscious of my diverse children and wasn't sure how the South would treat us as a family. I would describe Ms. JoeAnn as a regal African-American woman. Our first day in Knoxville I nearly walked around her, but I didn't and I'm so thankful for the sweet conversations and relationship we had. We took her flowers the week we left and she cried. We wrote letters for a year and then lost touch. She moved or she passed on, but when we left, her parting words were, "I'll never forget you and I'll pray for you as long as I live."

There were others, so many sweet stories. I saw so clearly that every place we step we can impact the world for Christ. It starts with a heart to see every moment as a moment in God's world. It starts with a smile, a hello, a kind word, loving my kids, loving my husband, showing courtesy, taking time to listen...so many little insignificant nothings that create beautiful tapestries. This does not mean that we were proclaiming the name of Jesus from the rooftops, we were just living our life and God blessed it.

We have more relationships here now and we plan to take advantage of this time. The kids spent a joyful afternoon with our neighbors who live behind us. D has been writing to a friend he met here for the last two years and today we spent a sweet and lovely day with his family. Old-fashioned letters sparked a friendship and we all benefited from that effort today. We're not here just for ourselves. We tell ourselves and we tell our kids--every moment matters.

You'll be hearing more from us as we savor Eastern Tennessee! We have hoped and prayed that we would have second opportunity to do this. And we are thankful.

summer moments~mountain meadows